Insult to Injury (AKA I Got Jacked!)

Folks who know me, know what I care about.  One of those folks bought me a gift card to one of the best shops in town.  Now, I am a bike geek, so I NEVER LEAVE MY BIKE UNLOCKED. I do, however, leave my car unlocked from time to time.  Well I got caught slipping because I left that gift card in my unlocked car one night.  Some chump found the gift card amid a mess of random papers, stinger wrappers and bike receipts in my center console.  Why couldn't they have stolen my CD player, car seat, or even engine? I would not have missed those things much.  Instead, they hit me where it hurts, in the unpurchased bike schwag venue.  Lesson learned here; get a better CD Player to draw attention away from my bike stuff.

The "Mountain Biker's Lingo" Dictionary

Gnarly: A feature or entire trail that seems to have no rideable line to newbies, but clearly gets ridden.  Also carries serious penalties for failure. Synonyms: Technical Trail or Tech Section

Epic: 1)For a seasoned rider: A ride that becomes a spiritual journey; includes suffering, bliss and lots more suffering. Worthy of a solo six pack when it's over, but you're so tired, you only finish three. 2)For a newbie: The first ride on a "real" trail (happy mix of roots, rocks, drops, climbs etc.)

Sick: Reference to an extraordinary move on the bike; "That was a sick line you chose."

"Killing it": Riding hard from beginning to end. Synonyms: Hammering, Throwing Down, Crushing it.

Stoked: Overly excited before, during, and or after a solid ride.

"Getting Byrded": When the guy on the rigid fixie mountain bike cleans a gnarly feature on the first try and you can't do it on a $6500 full suspension bike, you've been "Byrded".  Note: The name of the guy or girl may vary in your town, but the definition is the same.

Trashed: When your bike is irreparably damaged during a ride or on the return trip from a ride (garage encounters).

Eating S%@t: Wrecking hard

Rag-dolling: A hard wreck that involves long, uncontrolled tumbling.

Bombing/Bombed: Riding a gnarly section of trail very fast. Synonyms: Railing, Cooking, Flying, etc.

Hucking: Getting big air on trail.

Blowing up: When your body completely fails on a climb. Synonyms: Roadies call it cracking.

Tacky: Grippy, moist trail conditions.

Plush: When your fork or shock, or both feel good.

Poser: Guy or girl with a nice bike they are scared to scratch. Good rides will scratch bikes.

Hero Dirt: Usually found within hours or days of precipitation.  Perfect traction leading to stupid attempts at being a hero. Thanks for this one SP.

Yard Sale: When your wreck and all of your s%#& falls out of your pack and off your bike. Thanks AD.

A$$ Clowning: When you try to stop before a steep, gnarly feature, but you end up stumbling or tumbling down while still on your bike.

More to come...

Getting "Chicked":When a woman rolls or blasts by you on trail.  Tends to show the make of the man. Take it with a smile fellas. If you have to race to catch her, she'd probably still beat you if she tried too.

New Dirt: New trails. Loose, narrow, perhaps rocky and full of potential.

Suffering: Sections or entire rides that are so difficult, strange noises emanate from ones throat, stars may be seen or vertigo may be experienced.

Hardening: Building mental toughness through suffering.  Examples include, but are not limited to:
- Riding through one or multiple "bonks" during a long ride
- Finishing a long ride despite a bad wreck
- Riding through multiple mechanical failures and or flats on a long ride
- Riding in bad weather during a long ride (planned or unplanned)

Sick Video on Vimeo

Found this on www.bikerumor.com

http://vimeo.com/42557564

Ridiculous. Watch it twice, I did.

Intervention

So I'm riding the other day with the regulars and I get called out. "Hey, did I see your road bike on the car the other day?" My response, "Yeah, I wanted to do a few runs up Cheyenne Canyon." Response, "Lame, you could have at least done that on your mountain bike." I guess the moral of this "call out" is my time on these trails is limited. There are plenty of roads everywhere, but good dirt is a commodity. Lesson learned. Dirt for the next ten days!

Podium Girl Thoughts

Ever wonder what the podium girls think when race winners swing their dead carcass funky arms over their heads and wait for their victory kiss? 1) I need to go wash my mouth. 2) Did he smell homeless before the race, because now he smells like the kid who jumped in the crapper in Slumdog Millionaire. 3) I think he deficated on himself at least twice. 4)Purging will be easy after this. I won't need to wash my hand. 5) I'm going to get a desk job. 6) ???

DBA #3 Criteria of a Bike Addiction (why I am a strong candidate):

The following list is a scientific criteria for diagnosing a bicycle addiction.

1)      In order to be an addict you must have some race experience, but not enough success for it to pay bills, otherwise its not an addiction, it’s a job.  Like, any other addiction the cost far outweighs the actual benefit, but the perceived benefit of getting high is what keeps us doing whatever it takes to get the money to get the next fix.

2)      You are a prolific “garage mechanic”, but you don’t work at a bike shop.  In other words, you don’t know what you are doing half the time, but you are willing to work into the wee hours of the night in order to figure it out. 

3)      You work for beer and barter, not cash.  Half the time when you “fix” a friends bike, the fix needs to be professionally fixed within days or weeks.

4)      You neglect your responsibilities such as parenting, working, sleeping, etc. to ride or work on your bike.

Hayes Brake Bleed Procedure

Step 1: Buy better brakes. Step 2: Refer to step 1.

Bike Spotting

Name those bikes.  Which one is the geek's?

Geek Spotting

Where is the geek?

Would it Still Be Fun?

Would amateur racing still be as fun if we didn't have this to look forward to after?

Data Doesn't Lie

I'm slower than I was this time last year. Took me a minute longer to get up Cheyenne Canyon.

Road to Nowhere...

Being a bike lush and a part-time single parent requires some creative cycling. Hauling my boy in his trailer with his 25 pound bike dangling from the back, dragging him in a "race" from time to time, etc. My most recent innovation is the outdoor ride that never leaves the house.

1) Set your bike up on the trainer on your deck, or in the driveway pointing in the direction you would actually like to be going.

2) Put your favorite team kit on so you can take yourself too seriously on the bike.

3) Install ear phones (even if you think this is blasphemy on trail, like me).

4) Make sure the door to your house is open so your kid doesn't freak out when he or she wakes up.

5) Ride.

DBA #2 Leg Tantrums

My four year old is awesome, most of the time. Sometimes however, he throws gnarly tantrums. When he does there is no talking him down. During the Whiskey 50, I realized my legs are a lot like a four year-old. All systems were a go climbing out of Skull Valley. Kids were throwing tantrums left and right, but my two kids were cranking. Then, without warning or reason, the tantrums began. I talked them down at 8 miles up. I got more firm with them at 14 miles up. Then on Cramp Hill, where everyone's kids were throwing wicked tantrums, my two kids went full blown. I talked to them again, and tried to walk with them. Then I stood, fuming at them silently for a few minutes. After that, my kids were awesome. Goal for next year: No tantrums. I heard if you hit them, they stop fussing, but I'm a little worried that might have some unintended consequences...

Diary of a Bicycle Addict

Prologue:

I knew it was a genuine addiction because it hit like any other addiction.  One time and I was hooked.  Like other addictions “highs” can be achieved when the drug is used correctly.  Ride far, get a high. Ride fast, get a high, ride tech, get a high, ride when you shouldn’t be able to (night, cold, snow) get a high. During these highs it is not uncommon to experience a state of euphoria.  This state can last a few moments or occasionally, a few days.  It is during these times, that I have creative outbursts that are worthy of diary entries. Oh yeah, like other drugs, the more you do, the more you have to do to get the high.

Entry #1: The “Personal Ads”

Companion wanted.  Seeking a woman who likes to ride mountain and road. Must commute to work from time to time and enjoy watching anything bike related on TV.  The Tour de France is required viewing.  Must be willing to attend and participate in local mountain and road races. Should also own at least two bikes.

Personal description:

I enjoy mountain and road biking.  I like to plan trips around biking.  After biking I like to eat, drink beer and if possible, bike again.  Other hobbies include reading books about bikes, looking at online stores for bike parts, watching films about bikes, working on bikes, talking about bikes, watching and participating in bike races and occasionally, writing about bikes.

Match: 

My wife. Hell yeah!

Pictures and Thoughts.

My wife called this the "photo shoot".  Freshly built DT 240 wheels on Stans Arch rims, new to me Reba, and King headset. 

Icing on the cake, dry-hopping the beer, makeup  on my already hot wife.  Not a necessity, but mighty nice.

Can I drink this if all I ride is a singlespeed.? Is it wrong to like it? Deep down inside do I envy those with gears and do I only ride my singlespeed as an excuse for getting crushed by faster guys and girls?

Service your fork regularly. By the way, there is no tool to remove this bolt.  Get a socket, a grinder and with a little luck, blood and patience, you might be able to service this old, P.O.S. fork.  

Some of us sleep in a RV when we "camp". Others like the feel of rocks in their backs and bugs biting their faces.  I tried the RV, then sold it. Welcome back rocks and bugs.

Dreams

Last night I dreamed that I won a crownrace installation tool. My wife won a fork. I was more exited about the tool.