Top 10 Things To Tell Your Local Bike Mechanic

1) I do my own repairs.

    Thanks! I will check everything I 

    expect to not have to check.

2) It's been like that for a while.

    Very few things cost more time or cause more stress 

    than me thinking I broke something or feeling bad about 

    delivering bad news.

3) I shop online.

    Duly noted. I won't use my time finding the part you 

    need or worry about warranty issues.

4) I have OCD.

    Me too. I will hunt for every creak or squeak, align all the     

    logos, caps, valve stems, and get the bike sparkly 

    clean.

5) Dial my bike in at all costs.

   When I'm done, your bike will make you think you are 

   dreaming, but you won't be dreaming. However, your 

   bike will be dreamy.

6) I love my bike.

    Make or shape doesn't matter. Time and effort are 

    irrelevant. I'll do everything in my power to revive your 

    ride. If it's flatlined, I'll break the news gently.

7) I ride it like I stole it.

    Thanks for the entertainment. I love when a bike makes 

    me think, "I've never seen anything like this before".

8) A bike is a bike.

    Sigh... I'll do the best I can with what I have. You'll think

    I'm not very good at what I do. These bikes usually make

    me feel that way too.

9) I only ride 3 or 4 times a year.

    I'm doing less of a tune-up and more of a dust off. Cool.

10) I'm getting ready to sell this bike.

    I'm going to ask you to do the right thing and fix it right. 

    Form isn't important, but function is a moral imperative.

Bikemas!

Every day at a bike shop is like Christmas. Santa's little helpers perform magic and make broken bikes work or make dope bikes doper.  Like Christmas, when big kids get their bikes they light up like candles. From time to time Santa has to deliver coal (your bike is clapped and I'm sorry), but like Santa, the shop has the power to de-clap (new ride) and its Bikemas all over again! Another lovely similarity, perhaps my favorite, is all the wonderful "milk and cookies" the happy kids leave Santa and his little helpers. Mmm be...I mean milk and cookies. I'm working on my belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly. Sorry Mrs. Claus.

The Flies Know

I decided on a sufferfest yesterday.  During one of my many stops on the climb I noticed the flies  starting to gather and it occurred to me there were several plausible reasons why.

1) I smelled like warm doo-doo (recycling bike gear will do that).
2) They mistaked me for what I felt like, a rotting human carcass.
3) They were making fun of me for sucking.

I think maybe it was all of the above. It was a good ride.

My 2 Cents

I'll keep this brief. DI2 for my mountain bike. Stupid. Might as well put automatic shifters and pedal assist on mountain bikes too. Oh wait, DI2 with its "Optimized shifting" is basically automatic shifting. Stupid.

That Was Quick.

Get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about my new covet bike.  A buddy of mine in ABQ built a sick long travel hardtail singlespeed with the option for gears a few months back.  I was curious.  The other day a "friend of the shop" rolled in with a similar long travel hardtail singlespeed to install his new dropper post and I got the bike crush again.  Funny thing is its an old crush, maybe.  Santa Cruz Chameleon? Some of my CO Springs homies may remember my fancy for that bike.  I know, I know, its a 26er, but 26 is not dead, that's just industry talk. There will always be 5'3" adults and vertically challenged preteens who need decent bikes with 26 inch wheels.

I am looking at 27.5/650B/may not be a fad frames as well.  The Kona Explosif is a 27.5 and steel.  I can run a 120mm fork on that.

Working at a bike shop. Rad.  Debt servitude...rad.

What does all this mean? Bad news for a couple of my current bikes.  Only the Surly is safe. I am not XC (prove it)!

Gear Geeking

Here is what I have learned so far:

1) 32 millimeter stanchions are apparently undersized (I still have some 30mm running around!).
2) Dropper posts should be standard equipment on all mountain bikes (sure, can't hurt right?).
3) 27.5 is the "magic" wheel size... or not.
4) One by anything drivetrains are the only way to fly (I accept this as it includes 1x1).
5) Carbon fiber has its place on mountain bikes (frames, bars, hoops), steel is still real, and I still can't afford Ti.
6) Add some meat and a side of Stan's to your tires (hold the tubes) for a tastier ride.

That's all for now.

Bike Life Cycle

Crazy how things work out.

When I was first smitten with the wonders of two pedal powered wheels I bought into all of the hype of the day.  Wanna be a better rider? Get a better bike.  Wanna be a better climber? Get better, lighter, stiffer wheels.  Wanna be a better descender? Get a full suspension.  Wanna...the list goes on and on.

The more I rode, the more I realized the hype was just that, hype.  Wanna be a better rider? Ride whatever you've got more, a lot more.  That's it, end of story.  Sure, if it breaks, replace what broke with something better.  Sure if the whole bike breaks, buy a better bike.  Breaking a bike by riding it hard means you've earned a better bike.

I dumped the hype, the suspension, the gears, the jerseys, the coveting.  I've been going steady with "less" and loving it for a while now.  Irony is a strange cat with interesting quirks though.  I work at an awesome bike shop now.  I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing.  Where is the irony one might wonder?  It is the simple fact that in order to excel at what I am doing, I need to buy back into the hype.  I have to geek out on the latest and learn how to fix it when it "gets broke".

I am not complaining, by the way.  In fact, I'm celebrating the humor in the irony.  Essentially I have earned the right to buy back into the hype.  I am actually kind of pumped to covet (really, deep down inside, I never stopped coveting).  I'm going to shred some rad bikes, spend money I don't have, break some expensive stuff which will cost me money I don't have and learn how to wrench with the best of them.

Crazy how things work out.  See you on trail.  If you don't recognize me because I am riding some sleek squishy bike with things that drop and rise, just yell "One is more fun" or "One is all you need to get it done".  I'll look and smile and you'll know its me.

Cheers to gears, squish, SINGLESPEEDS, dirt fixies, and whatever else gets people stoked on dirt!

Perks and Quirks of Winter Riding

There is something special about riding a bike in the winter (in places that actually have winter).  I spent several hours spinning cranks alone on a windswept road today and came up with a list of winter novelties.

Hardy Souls
From about September to March the amount of trail and road bike traffic seems to drop by 90%. Those left are part of a select and generally cheerful group of hardy souls or fools who can't stop riding. Friendships are born from the fleeting encounters, because any company is good company on a cold windy bike ride.

Whiskey
No explanation needed.

Boogies
You know what I'm talking about, getting back to your inner four year old.  The constant torrent of boogers running down a cold face are like torture, eventually we all crack and begin wiping them on our arms, pants, anywhere just like the days of old. To be exact, the days of being a four year old.

Post Ride Festivities
Whether its 30 minutes or 3 hours in the saddle, winter allows for a quick transition to a local watering hole without the need for a shower.  How? There is no human-size sweat stain on your back or salt-lick on the side of your face after a winter stint in the saddle.  If the watering hole is not your thing, even better because you can head straight to the coffee shop and although you may still get the awkward lycra stare, at least you won't look and smell like roadkill.  What about the mud? If you encounter mud, you started too late, thus it was warm enough for mud versus the semi-frozen mud of sub 35 degree trail rides (frozen mud does not stick) and you no longer qualify for the showerless trip to the watering hole or you did sweat in the warm weather and look and smell like roadkill (I'd still go either way, I'm just saying).

Friendly Folks
Nobody is rolling down their window when its freezing outside to yell or throw their drink at you.  Unlike fountain drinks, Caramel-Mocha-Latte-Chai's are too expensive to throw at cyclists.  There also seems to be an underlying sympathy for the poor cold souls on bikes despite the fact that they chose to be out there.

Misfires
Whether its a loogie or a snot rocket, its inevitable that one will land on a shoe, a sleeve, or you'll have a complete failure to launch after which you are left with a chunk of spit-boogie on the side of your cheek. The split second from the misfire to removal is one of reflection on life's day to day failures and re-do's.

Long Legs
The best part of winter riding is by far the good legs for long rides in the summer.  No further explanation needed.

That's all for now unless I missed something, which I probably did because I'm an amateur. Get out and ride in the cold, or don't.

"You singlespeeders hate everything"...

The other day my father summed things up nicely with the statement, "You singlespeeders hate everything".  I would like to expand on this.

Suspension: Sucks
Gears: Suck
Bike Computers: Suck
Frame materials other than steel: Suck (Titanium is rad but falls into the suck category because I can't afford it.  It is exempt from sucking for those who can afford it.)
Arguing over wheel sizes: Sucks
Electronic anything on a bike: Sucks


A few notes on the above:

1) These statements only apply to those exclusively riding singlespeeds.
2) People who ride bikes with suspension, gears, etc. don't suck.
3) Two exemptions shall be granted.  For example, one can ride an aluminum singlespeed with a suspension fork and not be considered a sucker.
3) People who exclusively ride singlespeeds suck.
4) People who use their singlespeed as an excuse to ride slower or slow their friends down suck.
5) Lenz "Milk Money's" do not suck!

Road Revelations (On My Mountain Bike)

It occurred to me while riding for an hour in Phoenix to get to the trailhead (winter miles baby!) that I've had it wrong all these years. The folks that yell, spit, throw things and honk are the good guys. Why, because it means they see you on your bike. Considering the thrown things usually miss and they are yelling because their day or life sucks, and they didn't hit you or me, they are all right in my book for now.

The real villains are the folks on their phones or texting. I lost count of how many I saw, but it was enough to get me thinking, especially since I didn't have a security blanket (bike lane, A.K.A. false sense of security).  Wild to see so many heads down. Wild. The good news is I think I've found a better route. The bad news is its only better because there is a bike lane.

Ride safely this winter everyone.

Thoughts While Riding in the Rain

1) This is fun!
2) I should have bought a waterproof helmet cover (shower cap).
3) Keep your mouth closed.
4) The road spray has a motor oil head followed by an antifreeze finish.
5) I should have bought waterproof gloves.
6) I'm cold, but this is still fun.
7) Wool socks don't actually stay warm when wet.
8) Gears suck.
9) I can't feel my hands or feet and my jaw hurts from shivering. This is fun.
10) I hope there is whiskey at the Finishline.

Cabin Fever

The gang had cabin fever so I let them get a little sun today.

They are all jealous of the black one in back. It got to play today. 

Redline Revival Update

Old Doodoo-Brown has taken another step towards modernity. After a string of rear pinch flats ODB finally got upgraded to tubeless. After basking in the glow for a few days the honeymoon quickly ended in a gunshot like tire failure.

One new tire and another bottle of Stan's later, ODB is back. Next step forward for my fixie flyer...getting back to my roots, and by that I mean going back to rigid.  When I left Flag ODB was rigid so it only makes sense for it to be rigid for its homecoming. That and the bushings in my Bomber are cooked.

Another Silver Lining

So I'm riding my bike up this mountain in the dark and cold and every so often I get a nice blast of warm air and it hits me: It's the radiant heat from the engines of passing cars. Nice little spirit-lifter on a cold fall night.

Social Network

My social network is called "bicycle".

Neglect

This poor blog is getting the same treatment as my bikes and my legs. I glanced at the Redline, AKA Doo-Doo Brown and I swear it gave me puppy dog eyes.  G's bottom bracket sounds like an angry donkey and my road bike still has frog guts on it from two months ago.  As for my legs, well, my tights aren't just figuratively tights anymore.

Dialogue

This is not a real conversation, except for when it is.

"Is riding bikes all you do?" No, I work on them and often day-dream about them too.
"Does everything have to be about bikes with you?" Yes
"You should get a life." I have a life. It revolves around bikes.
"You have a real problem." Yes, I have a crank problem.  Its creaking...

Boom!

Fixie Fallacies

In one of my first posts, I described the singlespeeder's excuse. I caught myself this weekend applying that to my fixie.  I skipped tech feature one, the guy behind me rode it. I skipped tech feature two, the guy behind me rode it.  Three, four, probably more and then it hit me. What is the point of doing something hard if you don't do it the hard way? So I hit the log crossings, "Byrd would do it" I thought.  I hit the skinnies, "Dukes would do it" I thought. I wheelie dropped some stuff, "Alex would do it" I thought.

My fixie is not an excuse, it's an adventure.

P.S. I'm not a hipster. Maybe I'll get some royal blue hoops for the fixie. I'm not a hipster.

Fixie in Flagstaff

My favorite bike + fantastic trails = fat-tire fun.